Killer Cake

My husband is in the army and about to deploy. We were told the date on very, very short notice, so instead of the original planned ice cream cake, I asked him what he wanted me to make for him before he left. His answer was Killer Cake. A family recipe my grandmother, Hunni invented.

She made us call her Hunni 'cause she didn't want to be 'old' (she claimed to be 24 until the day she died) and it's spelled the way it is, I'm guessing partially because my Mom likes Winnie The Pooh and partially because Mom likes spelling things weird.

This cake is what EVERYONE in my family and immediate friend circle wants for their birthdays. My mother even wrote a poem about it. I am lucky enough to have learned it by heart (though it's not hard) before she passed on. Though others have tried...

It's called Killer Cake 'cause people used to say it was to die for, and then one day someone requested that killer cake and it stuck. We say the cake has killed at least three people, but I promise none of those people actually died for cake related reasons.

It's pretty simple. All you'll need is:
1 Devil's Food cake mix (plus whatever the mix calls for)
1 container of milk chocolate frosting
1 small (3.5oz) box of chocolate instant pudding mix
1 (8oz) block of cream cheese
Approx 1 container of Cool Whip (it's usually a little less, but really it can change)
And about 1 regular size package of peanut butter M&Ms (optional) [NOTE: I have the bigger bag shown, that's just 'cause I like to have leftovers!]
You don't have to use all brand name products, but it was Hunni's rule that you always should. Plus, I've found over the years that if you use off brand non-dairy whipped topping it melts into the cake and makes everything kinda soggy.

Start off by pouring your cake mix in the bowl and adding whatever the box says. Then add in the pudding.

Oh, and don't forget to preheat your oven according to the instructions on the cake mix like I almost did! How horrible would it be to get to the baking part, only to find your oven is not on yet?

Now that that's taken care of, mix all those ingredients we just put together until there are no more lumps. The batter will taste like pudding...but try not to eat it all before it gets baked. Raw eggs are supposed to be bad for you, aren't they? (Actually, the chances of getting sick from them is very slim.)

Now all you have to do is pour your cake batter into two eight or nine inch round pans and bake it according to the instructions on the cake mix.

Now is a good time to get your M&Ms out. You can also use Oreos, Snickers, or whatever topping you think would go well. Whatever it is, you should follow tradition and smash it with a hammer! Well...unless you use fruit. I actually want to try using strawberries sometime...

Anyway, you really don't need a lot of M&Ms. Just put them in a plastic bag, get out your hammer, and go to town! Be careful not to smash too hard and hurt your counter. If you need to let steam out that bad, go outside and smash your preferred toppings.

...If you manage to break the sidewalk...well, you probably need some anger management classes.

Often, the M&Ms end up just kinda smooshed. All you have to do is pick up the bag and smash it up a bit extra. They usually come apart pretty easily after that. Your end result should look something like this:
Not pretty, I know. But tasty! I never said this would be a pretty cake, I guarantee looks do not matter in this case! Make it and your mouth will not be disappointed.

Your cake should be done soon. Pull it out, do the toothpick test. Clean? Good. Pull them out and take them out of the pans to cool.

Peach thinks it smells good. Too bad it's chocolate. No cake for Peach! I gave her a bone instead. That occupied her while Jerome and I carved the cake. Yep, you read right you have to carve this cake. It's not as hard as it sounds. You see how the top of the cake is rounded?

Well, having a rounded cake just won't do. This is fairly easy to fix, just take a knife and slice off the rounded bits.
Now, this big extra piece of cake can either be eaten right away...which is what Jerome and I shamelessly did, or you can set it aside for later. This cake makes a lot of leftovers, and I'll give you ideas for those later.

Once you have two flat cake halves, get out a spoon and start making what we like to call the moat.

This is done by scraping your spoon around the cake about an inch in, without scooping out the middle. Make sure you do this on the cut side or your cake will probably fall apart at some point or another. Set your scraps aside or eat them. (I saved these ones, you can only eat so much cake at once.) Do this on both sides. Your end result should look similar to this:

Now, get out your Cool Whip and fill in the moat.

That was easy, wasn't it? Next is simple as well. Put your halves together and set them aside for a moment. If you don't plan on frosting it right away, put it in the fridge. This cake will melt if you leave it out for too long.

Now get a medium maxing bowl and plop in the entire container of frosting and the whole block of cream cheese. Yeah, all of it. And get out tour mixer or you'll be sorry...this is definitely not something to be done by hand.

Beat until smooth. (I forgot to take a picture of that...but I'm sure you will be able to tell if it's right or not without it.) And save your frosting can. It makes a good container for leftovers.

Now frost the cake!


Almost done. Remember your M&Ms you smashed to bits earlier? It's time to get those and sprinkle them over the top of your cake. Press them down lightly with the palm of your hand and...

Ta-Daa! You have made yourself a killer cake. You can eat it now, but I find it's better if you leave it in the fridge overnight and have it for your party (or breakfast) the next day.

Mmmm....cake for breakfast! Be careful, though...before you know it your cake will look like this:

Now...I'll bet you're wondering what to do with all the leftover stuff. I'll give you three ideas.

1)Make a second cake. This will usually use all the frosting and Cool Whip (if you had a bigger tub) and any extra M&Ms you might have had...but it doubles your cake scraps.

2) Make Killer Mess. Throw cake scraps, frosting, cool whip and M&Ms into a bowl and mix with your spoon. You can usually make two or three of these with leftovers and still have frosting left. You can also throw in ice cream for that whole birthday party in a bowl experience.

3) Make Hunni's Graham Cracker Treats. All this really is is making frosting sandwiches out of graham crackers. These are best if you can leave them in the fridge a few days to get stale. I know that sounds wrong, but trust me.

That's all I've got for now. I might be making gingerbread cookies next. Not sure yet. If you have requests, leave a comment or drop an email to Mutnik@gmail.com.